If you suspect that your issues with food and food behaviors have crossed over into the eating disorder area, do not despair. There is help for you. From in/out patient programs, to 12 step programs and more. There is no shame in this. AT ALL. But there is hope. And there is a future without the deeply painful albatross these conditions bring. As I mentioned, OA was a huge foundation for healing and this is there website. https://oa.org/ Here are just a few more resources to help you determine if you have a problem and where to seek help:

National Eating Disorders Organization: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/screening-tool

Eating Disorder Hotline: https://www.bulimia.com/topics/eating-disorder-hotline/ 

My fervent wish for you is that you find peace, self-love, and joy on your journey, wherever it may take you. It is your birthright to live joyfully and free of pain.