Weight loss, yup, my entire life was about losing weight. I thought that as soon as I lose the weight, then I will be happy. As soon as my body looks perfect and the way it is “supposed” to look, then the red carpet will roll out and the confetti will appear and I will look like a goddess and all my troubles will be gone.
I tried everything. I tried the cabbage soup diet, shots, pills, starvations, fasting, diets, shakes, 12 Step Programs, restrictions of all kinds and sometimes it worked. Sometimes I would lost the weight but always, I would put it back on. Plus 5 or 10 pounds. The yo yo diet syndrome.
My sense of self worth was inextricably tied into the size of my butt. If it was small, I was happy. If it was big, I was miserable. That meant that everyone around me had to be miserable too. I complained and cried and played the victim. Sometimes I was downright grumpy and hard to be around. It interfered with the quality of my relationships and my life on all levels. I sought solutions and read and wrote and tried to lose weight some more.
Then one day, my daughter said to me, “Mama, I think you just need to decide to be happy.” Now that seems simplistic and it sounds easy but I thought about it and I realized that if I waited until I was thin (again) to be happy, I could be waiting a very long time.
So what to do? I decide to “act as if” I was happy. Then I put together not a diet plan but a health plan one item at a time. I realized I had to let go of everything I thought I knew about weight loss, myself, my food, diets, and how I was supposed to look.
Literally, one ounce at a time over a period of several years, I lost the weight and I am keeping it off. Losing this weight has been like turning a battleship around in the middle of an ocean. It has been slow and steady but I found the grey area in life instead of thinking in all black and white, all or nothing.
The key was to find a mental, spiritual and physical foundation from which to live. We are all completely different and it is up to you to find your own formula for your life. Just make sure you address all sides of yourself.
Be willing to give up what you think you know and find a plan bigger than yourself. It is a matter of changing your lifestyle to fit your vision for your life. Figure out what you want for yourself and design your life around it. Remember, decide to love yourself now, not “as soon as.” The rest will follow.